Last week we talked about shaking off negative comments people make about you. The ones, presumably, that are false.
But what happens when someone calls you mean, and well, you are. I can’t speak for you but I have been mean. Disguised as a need to “tell it like it is”, or “be brutally honest”, who ever said I needed to? Isn’t it possible to be brutally honest with such a humble tone that the person on the receiving end still feels loved? Respected? Accepted?
And if the answer is yes, then why has it been so hard? Why does it feel impossible to be kind and truthful? I can’t speak for you, but for me, (being far more transparent than I meant to when I started this week’s blog) sometimes it’s that I’m afraid. Afraid that what I am saying isn’t relevant to the person I’m talking to. Especially if I love them tremendously.
Which leads me to ask myself? Why it is so important for my words to be heard? Because it makes me feel important to be heard. To be received. And the truth is, I am famous for feeling rejected when my “opinions” are rejected. And when feeling rejected, there goes that “mean” I’ve been called. More than once.
Now you may be asking why I am sharing this ugly truth about myself with you. It’s because acknowledging this truth is the first step in dealing with it. Admitting this truth is the first step in understanding more about myself. You’d think after 45 years I’d know me best. But truthfully, as women, we have a hard time admitting our faults. We choose to see the rough edges of our lives as someone else’s problems. They aren’t.
Here’s the thing. Our problems don’t have to define us. We don’t have to feel horrible about ourselves. Instead we can choose to do something about it. It’s a reason to reflect. A time to ask ourselves vital questions that help us to evolve. My goal this year is to be kinder. To myself. I’m sure that’s not what you expected me to say. But only when I begin to work on loving myself more can I truly understand what it means to love you. And that’s important to me.
I don’t know your weakness. That negative adjective that has been used to describe you. Why don’t you take some time to ask someone you respect to help you see it from a different perspective. Listen, your weaknesses don’t define you. And they don’t have to hold you back. Each time we can look our weaknesses in the eye, we are free from yielding to them. And in the end, we are stronger and better for it.
You are NOT your weakness. It’s a part of you that is worth working on. My struggle in 2015 will be different that 2016. But I will never have arrived to being perfect. So stop trying to be and enjoy the journey of evolution in your own life.
I still love that Taylor Swift song. And today I choose the shake off the guilt, burden and lies that I have believed about myself.