Give the Gift of Forgiveness This Season

Brookdale-Medicare-BenefitsThis year I scaled back my spending on holiday gifts. As I get older I am increasingly aware that the good things in life cannot be purchased, and that more “stuff” does not make us happy. The holidays are about family and the opportunity to love and spend time with them. So I decided I would rather give them the gifts of time, love, memories and good food. However, families- for all their joy-can also bring with them some stress and occasional difficult relationships. In that case, a true gift to give to others and to ourselves is that of forgiveness.

One of our communities sent in a story this week that highlighted the power of forgiveness. An Occupational Therapist, I will call her Anne, discussed the topic of forgiveness in a discussion group around Thanksgiving time. She highlighted the fact that we need to let go of mistakes we have made and those of others who have wronged us. The next day a resident came to Anne and said she felt lonely at holiday time because she was estranged from her nephew and his son-her only family- for over 10 years. Anne’s talk about forgiveness had moved her and she wanted to reach out to them. Anne helped her make a card and send it to the family members.

A week later, the resident returned for her therapy session, sad that she had not received a response to her note. Just a while later, in walked a young man-her great nephew-who she had not seen since he was a little boy, followed by her nephew. The resident was so excited to see each of them; they embraced and spent a few hours getting reconnected, with a promise to stay in touch.

Sometimes it is as simple as that. People who have been apart for a long period can get locked in a standoff that neither party knows how to put an end to. A note, a call, a gesture can get things on a different road. It is the power of forgiveness-of letting go of the wrongs, and the desire to get even-that can tear down the walls that have been built up.

According to the Mayo Clinic website “forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. “

The website goes on to tell of the health benefits of forgiveness that include:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

 

Mother Teresa of Calcutta was asked when she won the Nobel Peace Prize how she thought each of us could contribute to peace in our world. Her response was that we should go home and love our families. This sounds like a nice sentiment, but all of us know that the reality of doing this can be a challenge. Let us consider how to take on that challenge in a new way this holiday season by offering the gift of forgiveness to ourselves and others.

Happy Holidays and Be Well on Purpose!